| Author, Pen Kni...'s profileWords Everlasting, IN SH...PhotosBlogLists |  Tools  Help |
|
Words Everlasting, IN SHORT SUPPLYA peice of my mind... May 25 "Junkies" Junkies are known by the movements common to the addict, How they hide from the sun, sleep for three days at a time and think of nobody but number one. ... They are known to peer through peepholes with nobody knocking, expecting there to be something. Are always ready to party even when alone, and are prone to locking themselves in bathrooms with nobody home The way of the enslaved is as sad a story as any, but you won't find any sympathy or needless riducle here. Just the signs so they can be reconized, and a little commentary on the side. Jack Cracker is a name I've given to the many who find themselves victim's, ...With more collars and cuffs then all the clothes they've got, they are easy targets for the cops. Jacker Cracker walking down the street with a stoop in his shoulder and his head at his feet With his eyes looking up to see where his next score will be, Reliant on the kindness of others in order to eat. Junkies are at home where ever they might be, but have nowhere to go when it's raining. All they once knew gone now or ruined, their lives lost to a life a they don't live... Junkies, addicts, weekend warriors, user's and abusers... Are all a like, names don't change the truth of what they're trying to avoid. -AS '08 January 23 "Not So"Not for me , no not ment to be.... any kind of heroic, or reveired legacy.
My strength came in my ability to poision my self and remain alive,
And now all that was is no longer ment to be, all thats in me at best
Are futile attempts, more patheatic in nature then anything, which I fought with my entire life.
Now its seems I given up vaining and simply make jokes at my own demise.
Better to laugh then cry, better to try then die
Why haven't I beleaved or seen this before,
and acted in the most basic of way... untill safely deeming it too late
Not so nor ever ment to be.
-AS'08 January 01 "Good Intentions"Good intentions aside, nomatter how strongly beleaved
Pave future only further down the road to hell.
Unable or unwilling to fight the good fight,
Yet imbroiled on both sides unwittingly.
Ambishion being left for dreams and ideals not yet received.
Held back for saftys sake, or to risk being captured in tis war of to mindedness.
Good intentions aside, makes room for poverty sicknedd and aspirations unrealized.
These are your compainions, along with lonelyness
Responsible for For any accomodations made like a reason to hurt and something for the pain.
These can not be replaced compansated for or explained.
Paided as pantence for good intentions traded in or forgotten.
Last to go is the dearest of all ,
It is the price of ingorance, leaving with that which is irreplacable
Good intentions aside. December 21 "In The Deep" Wading in the deep..., waiting with procrastnation's help.
Watching to see what my thoughts are making
Out of inifite possibilities has come stagnite waters,
Giving rise to nothing eles.
Unwilling to drain or run down hill,
Remaining placid, ever increasing and poisioness.
The adjenda is as much a part of creation,
As destruction and consumption.
It's purpose as much a mystery as it's content,
And it's depth, the same as it's always been...
Yet, increasingly harder to reach.
A dimond in the rough, thats too hard to see
Like water down the drain, before it's used for anything.
...To be discarded discounted, and cast out with no tackel, bait
Or any hope of returns.
My thoughts will remain with my dreams and reservations
...Decending into my internal abbyss.
Escaping the mondane with a maze, of more and more of the same.
Trapped untill freed, or untill mistaken and taken
As something "good to eat", by one of the many monsters...
"In The Deep".
-AS '07
July 20 " Without Residence" Homeless without residence, but with plenty of friends
I wonder how many of them would step over me,
on their way to get milk and bread.
Empty promises fill my life, shadows move me
So, without my knowing to dangle by a thread.
...Fearfull I am of losing what I've known
And more over, of what will be replacing it.
I peirce myself upon the tender hook, found residing at the end
And begin waiting with baited breath.
Drops of water from the sky rain in my mind.
Bringing a change of atmosphere to me.
And setting a blaze my imagination,
To Race like a runner for the finish line.
...Still I move by way of shadows, feeling only the vastness of it all
A manson emptied of it's contents, all the more uncomfortable.
Homeless, no place to go... Bouns, a plate of food.
I have imagined before, what a tragity my life would have to be
To find myself nowhere, with no place to sleep.
It doesn't feel as bad as all that though.
Empty dreams move me through the shadows, which shackel my fears to my life.
For the moment dreams will do fine, welcomed as the most gental touch to contact me.
--AS '07 "Born To The Trap" Born to the trap,
A gap with steel teeth ment for cutting.
The sun, snow and all that's green and grows
Masks the hidiousness of this discovery.
The fearful are heelbent,
Have no friends and are intent ...
Raising such a hell upon their neighbours,
Peaceful nations or not.
Heed the warnings,
Listen for the sound of thunder on a clear day.
Make way for the absence of all you know...
Time for many a funeral and room for reasonable cause.
Take cover from the lighting, more like lazers
And the explosive fire that follows afterwards.
When giant mechanical birds, their falling eggs
And angels are all that fills the sky.
In opposition without conflict.
Misspent is the currency of humanity on war,
Purchasing headache, heartbreak, and destruction...
Providing news entertainment and a rallying cry,
We can all get behind.
That is the trap, this is how it is
Born to it, we try to do better.
-AS '07
June 05 " Surmised By Sick-O's" Schemes surmised by sick-o's and the like
Surviving only through circumstance and the samantics of them.
Along with is who and whatever can fit within.
Convincing, insidious but certinly not culpable
Are those pseudo-intellectuallys, that tell us everything is soluble
Plots thick or not, points made using words not bullets or blades
Go arwy when the many lines which divide, lose their clairty.
Missteps mislead toward mistakes, one should anticipate
...Careful strikes against the enemy, may blow back the way it came
Changing direction, with the wind and wimsy of those left behind and dead.
Dismanteling the innocent by accident
The survivors of this will be stronger, purdged before going ahead
... May the rest those nolonger with us, catch up on much needed sleep
Previously denyed to them, and lie in peace...
If not, so then for ever in pieces.
April 03 "Skeletons"Skeletons in the closet
Hung on hangers nicely for all to see
Skeletons in the closet, with the queers and brooms.
Hanging off hook near them are failed dreams
And off their bones, the suits worn trying to attain them.
Beneath them, but not you... a dirty mop and bucket
From the times they've cleaned up alittle,
The only light by which to see from the crack beneath the door
Salvation, if they had a key.
-AS January 14 "Indivisible"Indivisible are my dreams from my reality, my happyness from my pain
The spot where I was born, from the spot I'll be in when I die.
Indivisible to are my successess and tryumpths, from those moments in which I failed
...Days and nights don't alert me, both are one in the same.
My turn with tragity had lead me to excuse my-self from life, when it's a given that you can't give-in.
Throwing ones arms up does not releive them from play, call a foul if you see one... but the game goes on (anyway).
Indivisible aswell as the ill from the healed, are the healers amongst them and what is fare or not...?
Clear, is an adjective to describe transparentcy(?), seldom a matter here.
Things left undone or simply as they were found,
...It takes faith in above all things yourself, not to sit within this frame of mind.
I hear the truth speaking, but I am not yet use to listening, all is still indivisible to me.
Like the living from the dead, and the recently deceased from new arrivials
Turkey from chicken, and chicken from everything eles.
This tasteless paliete(?) has color and delisiousness(?) to it...I know,
But it has been drained...disquailfied(?)from everything, before reaching my senses.
-AS
September 28 Quick Or Not At All Gotta try and raise concerns, say with the written word
What otherwise isn't heard when vocialized
Come over here, near but not too close!
I made a fire to catch your attenion with the smoke,
But those around me that didn't want anyone finding, their hide-out
Surrounded me and put it it out.
Turn about and tell me without any predjuice, or adjenda of your own.
Do you still need or are you still wanting, the same things.
If your not following, who do you lead?
Whats keeping me, why do I wait? When I should go.
I've missed an oppurtinuity or two, there's no doubt
But the last ship hasn't sailed, without me yet
Which is, going out on a rescue mission already full.
I have to go, work is waiting to
But not for long, bye
August 14 A Long Time Has Come And GoneIt's been a long time, how goes it?
And how about your Mother?
You have a boy now to right
What's his name again?
Cheerful are those persons,
sharing and loving together
What they have with each other, is all they need.
Nothing is owned by another, happyness means
Not worring about anything, what-so-ever.
The need for something constantly
Is to fulfill our desire, not to be without.
Where what we're missing, is suppose to go
There is no room, and there is still that longing
That seems, to have begun our lives with us.
Time and what can be done with it
Has lead us to more then we thought possibile.
Entertainment and entertaining,
A preoccupation against the solitude.
From comedy and tragity to action,
If your not getting enough.
There is comfort found in lives,
That do not involve us.
Be they more exciting or exotic,
Then what we know.
Writing about what we want, but cannot have
Maybe it's an impossible thing.
But as it turns out, there's nothing one cannot acheive...anyway's.
The best of stories, are those ment for the fun they bring.
Where you have to, willingly suspended your disbelief.
Inorder to get along, long enough
To ride upon, a magic carpet or unicorn
If one is provided.
A long time has come and gone
And some differences have appeared.
All is still the same
But what I had, has changed.
Demoted, in oppisition
To the way things are noted.
The denominations are lower
But I have more, then when I began.
My total is still the same, but now I carry more.
A vunerable piece of paper worth what they say it is, was turned from an ORE
That would have more value today, if it was made from the same normally worthless,
But worthless is what you cannot use, so thank god for it now
With it's extra weight, which would more closely related
To it's true value. Thrown overboard
As I was up shit creek without a paddle.
And had begun counting first by the day
Then by the months, as they made their way.
It's been a long while, where I was I stayed.
With nothing to do and no time to wait.
No new seasons have been added, recently
So fall, still shows the way to winter everytime.
...A star falls in the spring, from it's place in the sky.
Shooting magnificantly at whatever's in it's path.
Flaring up as it's going down, fading out
To that nothing, we have talked about.
The next thing, is going to need a vollenteer
Someone who doesn't mind pretending, everything's fine.
When their living under a sky with one less star in it.
And in a world, where it seems to me
The more selfish you are the more you receive.
Weather you were a wittness to it or not, it was to for you.
Be it perched up in the sky, shining
As much a part of the night, as the moon.
As much a part of the Earth, as the water and blessed dirt.
From here you can see, if your looking
That place in the sky, where a star is missing.
It's right there, on the outskirts of space and the mind.
Close enough to be seen, but as of it's death
Cannot be reached in time or occupied.
Shining like a dimaond, thats ment tobe seen easly
One that would be, a rabbits feed for a week.
One of a number so many, a humble man would say
All is too much for me, and begin to give much of it away.
The greatest thing we have is free
Will it be today, we begin to use it.
To give, to keep.
The good the bad and the ugly
Which Will I be.
Words of inspiration with instruments,
Tuned perfectly to play them.
Have gone by many times before,
And each has been played and replayed
Untill it has been paided for, then some more.
A long times has come and gone, how have you been
Since the last time our path's have crossed.
And how about your mom, is she doing well?
Oh and your boy, he must be a man by now.
-AS '06
July 08 "No Rhyme No Rhythm"No rhyme or rhythm, no time to give them
Understanding with no planning, murder with no victume.
A path with no escape, a route mapped out
For somewhere, you've never been.
Reasons to want and run away
People you thought cared not,
Suddenly sing your praise.
No ryhme no reason, to please' em
I've stopped trying like i did before
If nothing nolonger pleases,
My thoughts maybe could be yours
Fire! Fire!, quick come help!
Desire desire, to save my-self.
Even now, when its someone eles
Danger is theating.
No rhyme no rhythm, no time to give them
Nothing for anyone but my-self
...And here you are, waiting with your heart
expecting me to help.
-AS '06 June 23 "Fu(ked uP"Just when I think
I got what it is I want, its gone.
My happiness and pain,
Come from the same place.
Tainting my mind,
Convincing me to think what I feel
Even if I don't beleive.
Just as quickly however, I feel what I think.
What's killing me
And destroying our ship we're sailing
Leaving that us, we had been so long ago.
And have been so despartly trying to get back to.
How unfamiliar it is, now
Neither of us would know it, to be us
If it did sound like you and me.
Nine months a long while down the road, not really.
A distance judged by you and me, not really.
By what do we judge our journey, and its meaning.
Without any measuring and with it constantly changing.
What is it that stays the same
Letting one look long enough to understand,
What they're seeing.
Breaking the singularity of things, for many.
Whenever it is, I tell you I love you.
You don't seem to need me.
The pain is too great, it man handles me
And hands back my teeth, and what I beleived.
Hung on tender hooks we hang,
So we begin swinging.
-AS '06 June 18 "Your Reasoning"A mistake, is the wrong way of doing something
Forgiven perhaps but not forgotten.
Saddest when it's turned into traps, unseen along the path
Most costly, it is for those trusting to pass.
Forgiveness has been forgotten
By that life, which no longer cares.
Unwilling to journey for the truth
Instead, it uses a snare.
The way to where, I found him laying
Was not glamerous or paved, in any way.
...The stuggle, is what he chose
Paying the price for something, he should have let go of.
Suffering the hurt, untill he couldn't hid it.
His heart wanted to work,
But his mind had been decided.
In memory of my brother Jason.1972-2006
- AS '06
"Footsteps Fading"Footsteps fading, excaping ever further away.
...I'm sure if I followed them
They would still be, being made.
Sad to say too young was I
To know the reckoning of this day, in my life.
Here with us, apart of WE.
Gone the next, a time of waiting.
Away so long, expectations gone
Unknown was how, time had changed you.
Heel toe, away we go...
In different directions,
Destination unknown.
One life of four, gone off to explore
And had forgotten to mark his way.
Lost on a path ment to be short
And not dangerous, but here you lay.
Pasting out of this world,
Before finding his way home.
His heart reached out
With his hands were open, but fists closed.
We didn't catch him
..Saying, how could we have known.
But If we were there, even once more than never.
The signs would have shown.
Forgive me for everything
Most importantly,
For that, which I've never done.
Such as not look for you, once I was old enough to.
Or for never returning even a single letter.
And ofcourse, lets not forget
My most disgusting display, of selfishness yet.
Not thinking of you when it was I should.
I pray you understand.
This work is for my brother,
As all things I do now.
Rest In Peace,
Allen Jason Sheppard.
1972-2006
- AS '06
June 17 "Mental Health"A mental sidearm, a note to ones self
Not to alarm but disarm,
Those that would harm, rather then help.
Caught off guard, sitting on da-fence
No offence against you, who I dare not offend.
Pretense's resumed, play presumably on for the day
Once everything is fully and completely misunderstood, away.
- AS '06 June 11 "Tin Man"I am a tin man, STRONG
But made of metal sure to rust.
I may be painted brightly or faded now by the sun.
Each time I came alive
my hope was spurred on,
Let out and allowed to run
but nowhere could I have gone.
Held hostage in places I did not like,
I Wondered, what had I done?
Should I have been more entertaining, interesting maybe
With all the imagination I could muster.
Or kept excatly as it was,
The first part of a set bcollected meant for saving just because.
Perhaps I should have been a gift
To someone, who would care for me with love.
That would have use me and not abuse me
Putting me away, when they were done.
Not leave me out or lock me up
Whenever, they were gone.
Not thinking about or caring a bit,
Of this life they took on.
It was for reasons beyond me, the way my life has gone.
But, it couldn't have been for anything good,
That anyone else would want a part of.
Alone and forgotten about
Were those promises, handed out and excepted in trust.
Telling us of times, that have yet come
And are being waited on, by all of us.
...On closer inspection, I wasn't the only one.
Loved intensely loved immensely,
Appreciated for a while.
Waiting quite sometime, quietly
Only disappointment could I relay on.
Expecting a voice, beckoning
Out of the relative calm, it was they enjoyed.
Compared to the wild winds, of the world
Which it was, I've had to survive.
Wanting to be cared for, held like a child.
With my mind cradled, by whatever's most confortable.
Being told all the while
It was omly a bad dream, go back to sleep
and see what else could be.
But what is it except my life, to which I am awaking.
Those wondering eyes and that enthusiastic smile
Radiating the brilliance of the mind, behind them.
Haven't layed them-selves upon me, in some while.
So I question their ideas, that conflict with mine.
How am I to get back
When the path I took, was the only one
And has been overcome
First by me, then everyone.
Each time I came alive
I lost a little of that life, That was mine.
I was to, a part of their mind
But with them, I was more alone.
There was a place for me, even if I didn't go.
It was somewhere between unwanted and the dog house.
Weather or not I returned, was little choice of mine.
What I had I started with
Not good enough to have anything new, be mine.
I am a tin man, STRONG
But made of metal sure to rust.
I maybe painted brightly or faded now by the sun.
Each time I came alive, I was left on my own.
...Since then my misery, has made a pariah of it's-self.
Not welcome in my home.
A love that all my own
-AS '06
June 10 "A Journey"There was this adventure, of which I care not to speak.
I didn't know anything before I went, more honestly it took me.
Except to say, I immediately got the feeling it wasn't for my-self.
Promising it was, although nothing did it swear would be.
Back where I've begun, with not much more then,
Stories and warnings of how everything was.
Good times strong and bad times hanging on,
Mixed together was the way most were found.
Hard to say, what was happening
As I was trying to stay clear, of the blame being put on me.
But I know after all of it, I'm the same person I use tobe
Except it say a little smarter maybe.
IN PROGRESS PERHAPS
- AS '06
"Love Lee"I'll love you untill eternity ends
Till the poles switch and new life begins.
A passion flower, which blooms but once in a life.
And spawns another to bloom next time.
You are aware if you've seen and touched if you've been
...A beauty so sweet, with it the only that compares
Is the sweetest song of a songbird floating through the air.
- AS '06
June 02 "Your Home, Unknown"Your destination is unknown
And your destiny, is for you alone.
Where are you going?
And how will you find, your way there?
...To that island that maybe your distant future.
Surrounded by the stable and unsolid,
Never found next to and always seemingly seperated,
By the mass that is waving.
There are waves that call you in
And waves that push you, back to shore.
Aswell as those that have left you behind,
Leaving you to drift, further from anything you'd call safe.
Scary is the uncertin and the fear is mandatory, when leaving shore.
How you begin your journey? Is a decision made for you.
Prepared for it hopefully you are, thanks to the last part.
...By building something very strong, made up of whatever floats.
And where it's usefulness ends, at the rocks
You are to swim, thinking not about sinking as it isn't not allowed.
Is this the beginning or a possible end.
Your being drawn out to sea.
Maybe it is, that you are being drawn
Not to your death, but your destiny.
To that land, you've been looking for
And the security, of being able to breath.
-AS '06
May 28 "Mounted Upon Gears"My life seems as if mounted upon gears.
You'd have to fix to wind.
With weights hanging heavy on springs,
Drawn out and hung over the side.
Nothing moves, all has been released or seized.
Frozen arms wanting to work
Must get by on being right twice a day.
Upon a face that shows the true passing of life.
By the bleaching of the sun and the fading of its chime.
These are wounds from its battle with time.
All the pieces are present
Its been the hands that kept it in line.
That have been lost amongst it's minutes.
And since forgotten to wind.
My life seems as if mounted upon gears.
Ultimately, I'd like to know why
Dust has been allowed to collect.
Blanketing, this treasure of mine.
I don't think I can defend against
Or prevent my own demise.
I just want to know before the hand of judgement.
Strike's upon the number that is mine.
-AS '06 "That Place"Gentle winds send the many flowers
Swaying and bowing my way,
A colorful field full of life.
Soft was the pallet and the stroke of the artists brush,
Seemingly brittle is everything and daunting to touch.
Yet as much love is here as needed
By those who seek it,
Harboured by the shores which lie
Between nature and man... kind is this place,
And its so well hidden it has no name.
An island of sorts, surrounded by the mind
And the humanity of man, but seldom occupied.
Familar it all is, at home you are, there.
But it is not your place, and you will be gone.
Before you think you're forgetting something,
Needed to be remembered.
-AS '06
"Small Enough For All Of Us"A microcosm doubling the cataclysm
Small enough not to be seen, but deadly.
...We are all able to fall through the cracks
Into the many crevices, with plenty of room for all of us.
When all that's got our backs
Is a safty net, thats too widely woven
And can't hold anything, so we have to grab on.
Its better that you catch yourself
Then be caught by someone else.
The journey was there so I went along
I could have sworn there was a guide, though
As it seemed to me, we all followed someone elses lead.
Who wasn't sure really, first day maybe?
Trek slowly, there's no hurry to descend
It may be all be up hill now,
But I'm in no rush for it to end.
-AS '06
May 26 "Night Passes By"Night passes by,
From dusk till dawn the stars fill the sky.
Lightly lit are the hallways of my home at this time.
And sleeping happily am I, passing them by.
I have to wake for natures sake
And dread how I must leave behind,
The warmth and relative safety, my bed provides.
I get together what I'll need,
Slippers for my feet,
And a light so I can see.
...I Feel this fear coming over me,
Sensing a presence unknown to my house.
Perhaps it is the night I am unfamiliar with most.
Or maybe it is the dark, which occupies its hours
That tells my mind, what lurks around the corners.
I finish what I must do
And with a haste to save my life,
I flee to my bed and room,
Safe beneath my covers
From the night.
AS '06 "Life like us"
Life like us changes all the while Wether we notice it or not, We are marked by our trials.
|
|
|||
|
|
